Official Montana 500 Web Site

Recently Updated:

2020 Event Videos

Mar 2020 Newsletter

2019 Fall Meeting

2019 Updated Rules

Butch Impresses Bettie

By Tom Carnegie

I have been living in Baton Noir since 1906, nearly fifteen years now. I'm not going to tell you my name, because that isn't important. The fact is, I keep my ear to the ground and as such I'm a great dispenser of gossip. A while back Butch told me of a revelation that he had. He had seen poles in the lumberyard that were pointed at one end and treated with something to keep them from rotting. Butch is a great one for telling us about his dreams. He said that he was asleep one night and it became crystal clear how these aforementioned poles were made. In the lumberyard is a very large praying mantis that pulls a pole from the pile and sticks it into a very, very large pencil sharpener. After giving the handle a few cranks the mantis then hands the pole to a large grasshopper who treats the pole with a good load of tobacco juice.

But I digress. I want to tell you about Butch's attempts to win the favor of Bettie. Butch always had a hankerin' for Bonnie Doon, but he was outgunned by a veteran of the Great European war. He wasn't too upset though because he decided he liked Bonnie's sister Bettie better anyway. Early one evening he happened by the Doon fox farm where Bettie lives. "Just happened to be in the neighborhood", he said. Bettie was there and they were talking out by the driveway. As they talked a family of skunks came out from behind the woodpile and started ambling across the driveway. Butch pointed out their existence in such a manner as to startle said skunk family. Mama skunk proceeded across the road while five or so baby skunks decided to stay near the woodpile.

It bothered Butch that these skunks were separated by the 12 foot expanse of the driveway, so he decided to take action. A more passive person might have just left the divided family alone on the off chance that they could reunite themselves, but not Butch! He thought that maybe he could just herd these baby skunks out of the woodpile and across the road to their poor lonely and anxious mother. Butch wasn't too worried about getting sprayed because he had heard Joseph Vant say that baby skunks don't spray. Well, these skunks must have been young adults because Butch did very little prodding with a stick before one of them let go. Bettie was not impressed. Hayes Olson is a beekeeper. For the fun of it he made a beehive with glass sides so you can watch the bees work. The hive is built into the side of his shed with the glass side facing the interior of the shed.

He had shown this hive to Butch and Butch was intrigued. One evening, with Haye's permission, Butch decided to show the hive to Bettie. Bettie had misgivings about looking at bees, but Butch convinced her that they were very docile, especially in the evening. They were talking and watching the bees in the semi-darkness of the shed when Butch noticed that the bees would periodically start to buzz. He soon realized that it was their breath from talking that made them buzz. He thought it might be fun to really get them buzzing, which he did by blowing through a gap and directly into the hive. The bees apparently didn't like this. They sent a group out to see if they could identify the problem. Unfortunately, Bettie was so identified. She was stun twice, once on the forehead and once on the lip. Needless to say, Bettie was not impressed.

I wasn't there for this last episode, but I think I can relate the story fairly accurately. A tank truck was at the service station to refill the tanks. The truck driver was smoking a cigarette whilst he strung out the hose. Joseph Vant was there and asked the man if smoking and filling tanks were such good things to do together. The truck driver intoned that he thought it was ok. Joseph then asked the man if he had ever heard of anyone having problems with gas and fire. The man said that he had not. Joseph then suggested that maybe this was because they didn't live to tell anyone about it. The truck driver then advised Joseph of the vulnerability of his nose and suggested that it might be in his best interest to keep it out of other people's business. Joseph did the prudent thing and walked away.

As if to prove a point the man flaunted his cigarette as much as possible from that point on. He got results. It the course of the filling operation somehow the gas was ignited. As the flames began shooting out of the hose the man did the prudent thing - he ran away. I guess it was quite a sight seeing the flames coming out of the hose. The shouts brought people from all over to witness this spectacle. Butch and Bettie were attracted to the scene in this manner unbeknownst to each other. Very soon most of the formerly attracted crowd got a big dose of prudence and decided that they didn't want to witness the final outcome of this unfolding scenario. A few people hung nearby and wrung their hands. The tanker driver hung around, but didn't wring his hands as they were slightly burnt. The valve on the hose was partially on, so the flow of the gasoline was somewhat restricted. The hand wringers wondered what would happen when the hose became consumed and the gasoline came out full force.

Contemplating this, several more brave souls became prudent. Butch being a man of action and imprudent, grabbed a garden hose and turned it on. He headed for the tanker. Joseph shouted at him to stop, as the water would just spread the gas and hence the fire. No one expected what Butch did next. He headed straight for the tanker and crawled to the top. He lifted the lid on the top and dropped the water hose in and shut the lid and jumped down. He then became prudent and ran away. In a very short time water began coming out of the hose instead of fuel and the fire extinguished itself. The service station was spared any major damage, the truck driver was much relieved, the few imprudent people were spared their lives and denied a really good firework show. The best news of all is that Bettie was impressed!


Click Here for Link to Newsletters

The Montana 500 is Sanctioned by
The Montana Cross Country T Association.

All material on this website is for educational purposes.

Rules of the Montana 500 Year by Year Results   What is the Montana 500?  Speed Tips and Tricks   Membership Application   Year by Year Images and Information   Send us an E-Mail  Links




Pre-run checklist

Fall Meetings

Article Index